I'm on my iPod touch so this post is gonna be a little weird. I apologise in advance!
I was tagged by the lovely
http://mom2reagan.blogspot.com/ for this post :) even though I can't get on a pc right now I still wanna do this one.
1. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be? I would go to Canada to try and find my relatives.
2. What is your happiest childhood memory? I was 6 and I was scared of dying. My dad told me I had 94 years left yet! Doesn't sound amazingly happy but for me it was :)
3. Do you have any nicknames? How did you get them? My friend calls me buttercup. She always says "what's up buttercup" that's where it comes from
4. What do you think is the single best decision you've made in your life so far? Joining twitter! I have made so many great friends through it!
Have fun playing along and I can't wait to see everyone's answers!
Because I can't tag properly, I'm giving this to the first 5 people who can comment saying they are gonna do it! 5 people only though so be quick and you have to nominate 5 too!
Posted from my iPod touch.
Monday, 27 September 2010
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Fear is a dangerous thing.
I haven't written anything on here in a while. A lot has gone on. I'm gonna start at the top so this may be a long post, feel free to skip this one.
On the 12th of September my mum hasn't been feeling well, thought she had picked up a bug that has been going around. at about 10pm she was complaining of feeling sick and she wasn't feeling good, she was also struggling to breathe. I rang our out of hours GP service and the doctor who rang back said she was gonna send an ambulance.
We live 2 minutes from a hospital but the ambulance decided they wanted to take us to one 35 miles away. I wasn't happy, I have no relatives or friends and I don't drive. When we got there she was just left for 2 hours. We eventually saw a doctor who put her in the resuscitation room because her oxygen levels were very low. They should be between 97%-100% but mums were stuck at about 74%, doctors start worrying about 93% so mums level weren't good and oxygen wasn't doing much.
About 3hrs later she was admitted and put on IV antibiotics, her blood tests showed she had an infection but they didn't know where. On the Tuesday, doctors came to see her and said that she might not make it, her X rays showed shadows all over her lungs. I came to see her and she told me all this. We talked and she told me that she was gonna sign a DNR, DNR means Do Not Resuscitate. It meant that if the worst happened then my mum wouldn't be brought back. Luckily we didn't need that. But it got close. At discharge she was given a load of papers for her GP, they say that diagnosis was pneumonia and the infection was in her bladder, she has got oxygen in the house now she's need 24hrs a day. Without it she gets really out of breath and her oxygen levels drop. Right now the oxygen is keeping her alive. We don't know how long she will need oxygen at home, it may be permanent but we don't know.
While my mum was in hospital I received amazing messages of support from my lovely twitter friends! I was on a bus 4hrs a day so having all that support helped me so much. I really do love you all!!
Posted from my iPod touch.
On the 12th of September my mum hasn't been feeling well, thought she had picked up a bug that has been going around. at about 10pm she was complaining of feeling sick and she wasn't feeling good, she was also struggling to breathe. I rang our out of hours GP service and the doctor who rang back said she was gonna send an ambulance.
We live 2 minutes from a hospital but the ambulance decided they wanted to take us to one 35 miles away. I wasn't happy, I have no relatives or friends and I don't drive. When we got there she was just left for 2 hours. We eventually saw a doctor who put her in the resuscitation room because her oxygen levels were very low. They should be between 97%-100% but mums were stuck at about 74%, doctors start worrying about 93% so mums level weren't good and oxygen wasn't doing much.
About 3hrs later she was admitted and put on IV antibiotics, her blood tests showed she had an infection but they didn't know where. On the Tuesday, doctors came to see her and said that she might not make it, her X rays showed shadows all over her lungs. I came to see her and she told me all this. We talked and she told me that she was gonna sign a DNR, DNR means Do Not Resuscitate. It meant that if the worst happened then my mum wouldn't be brought back. Luckily we didn't need that. But it got close. At discharge she was given a load of papers for her GP, they say that diagnosis was pneumonia and the infection was in her bladder, she has got oxygen in the house now she's need 24hrs a day. Without it she gets really out of breath and her oxygen levels drop. Right now the oxygen is keeping her alive. We don't know how long she will need oxygen at home, it may be permanent but we don't know.
While my mum was in hospital I received amazing messages of support from my lovely twitter friends! I was on a bus 4hrs a day so having all that support helped me so much. I really do love you all!!
Posted from my iPod touch.
Monday, 13 September 2010
46 hours and 3 red bulls later.
Well. It all started 8pm Sunday night, my mum hadn't been feeling well all day but at 8 she started getting really wheezy and couldn't breathe properly. Spoke to a GP on the phone who sent an ambulance. It came and we were getting sorted for going to hospital. I thought we were going to the one that is literally 4 mins away by car/ambulance. But no, the paramedics decided they wanted to go to a hospital 40 miles away!! Leaving me with an ill mum and stranded because I don't drive and we have no relatives.
Come 4am, mum is still poorly but stable enough to move to a ward. She was and still is in a lot of pain :(
I left about 10am, I was exhausted, had been up over a day. Took the 2nd bus journey then another bus and finally got home.
I'd just got comfy in bed when the phone rang. Mum was really poorly and was asking for me. I got dressed and went back on another bus and then the 2nd bus again to get there.
When I got there she was really upset. She told me that she thought she was gonna die. My mum is a non practicing Methodist but she even asked for the hospital vicar (a family friend) to come see her.
That had me crazy worried. She's having a lot of problems with her lungs which will hopefully be sorted by wednesday.
For now, you know everything I do.
I want to thank ALL the amazing people on twitter who sent me the most lovely tweets, I was reading them in the ambulance and I read some to mum :) I can't thank you all enough! It really does mean a lot to me when i know there are people who care <3
Come 4am, mum is still poorly but stable enough to move to a ward. She was and still is in a lot of pain :(
I left about 10am, I was exhausted, had been up over a day. Took the 2nd bus journey then another bus and finally got home.
I'd just got comfy in bed when the phone rang. Mum was really poorly and was asking for me. I got dressed and went back on another bus and then the 2nd bus again to get there.
When I got there she was really upset. She told me that she thought she was gonna die. My mum is a non practicing Methodist but she even asked for the hospital vicar (a family friend) to come see her.
That had me crazy worried. She's having a lot of problems with her lungs which will hopefully be sorted by wednesday.
For now, you know everything I do.
I want to thank ALL the amazing people on twitter who sent me the most lovely tweets, I was reading them in the ambulance and I read some to mum :) I can't thank you all enough! It really does mean a lot to me when i know there are people who care <3
Saturday, 28 August 2010
What's in my handbag.
My handbag is full of crap so this will be a boring post !
My handbag isn't interesting, it's black with a zip lol, I can't get a pic because it's not sold online.
I'll list the stuff in my handbag so it's easy to read.
1. My purse, it's black and leather and I love it!
2. Calculator.
3.nail file.
4.receipts and bits of paper.
5.2010 diary.
6.pens.
7.tampons.
8.makeup,lipgloss,mascara etc.
9.headphones.
10.my LG KS360
11.headache tablets.
12.tissues.
13.special K mini breaks.
14.tweezers.
15. Nail clippers.
16.hole punch. (weird?)
That's it :) it's not that interesting if I'm honest but oh well, enjoy :)
My handbag isn't interesting, it's black with a zip lol, I can't get a pic because it's not sold online.
I'll list the stuff in my handbag so it's easy to read.
1. My purse, it's black and leather and I love it!
2. Calculator.
3.nail file.
4.receipts and bits of paper.
5.2010 diary.
6.pens.
7.tampons.
8.makeup,lipgloss,mascara etc.
9.headphones.
10.my LG KS360
11.headache tablets.
12.tissues.
13.special K mini breaks.
14.tweezers.
15. Nail clippers.
16.hole punch. (weird?)
That's it :) it's not that interesting if I'm honest but oh well, enjoy :)
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Very erotic experience.
*warning* this is a funny post but I appreciate it may not be tasteful to some, contains references of strippers and male nudity.
I'm sharing this on my blog and also the happy hour blog because this story is honestly to good to miss!
I'd heard a local bar was doing a ladies night with a drag queen and strippers, I was in! I roped in a friend to go with me.
The drag queen was amazing! He was so funny, he was called Candy Couture and he kissed me!!
Then the first stripper came on! He was dressed up as a gladiator, with the loincloth and everything :D he was dancing and stripping, he got down to his thongs *drools* and grabbed this poor girl,picked her up and started humping her !! That was so funny and oh so kinky lol! Then everything came off!!! He poured baby lotion all over himself and I mean EVERYWHERE. then he was dancing around nude practically in womens faces! He.was.hot.
Then number 2 came on, he was a policeman, did the dancing then stripping, got to his pants, then got a girl from the audience, handcuffed and blindfolded her and rubbed her hands all over him! He was so sexy :D
The number 3 came on as a sailor!!! He was my favourite, so hot !! He did dancing and stripped, then he was dancing with fire with only thongs on! Then he come round to me and poured baby oil in my hands, went back to the stage, took EVERYTHING else off then came back to me !!! I rubbed him ALL over with baby oil, how kinky does it get ?!?! My friend was practically peeing herself! Then he sat on my lap!! I wasnt expecting it lol there was grinding and bum groping involved too!! Honestly, if I had dropped dead I would have died happy! Including a pic of him humping my friend before he got naked ;)
Pic of me and someone I knew from school after it finished, I'm on the left :)
I had an amazing time !! And I did plenty of groping for all my twitter ladies who couldn't be there :P
Posted from my iPod touch.
I'm sharing this on my blog and also the happy hour blog because this story is honestly to good to miss!
I'd heard a local bar was doing a ladies night with a drag queen and strippers, I was in! I roped in a friend to go with me.
The drag queen was amazing! He was so funny, he was called Candy Couture and he kissed me!!
Then the first stripper came on! He was dressed up as a gladiator, with the loincloth and everything :D he was dancing and stripping, he got down to his thongs *drools* and grabbed this poor girl,picked her up and started humping her !! That was so funny and oh so kinky lol! Then everything came off!!! He poured baby lotion all over himself and I mean EVERYWHERE. then he was dancing around nude practically in womens faces! He.was.hot.
Then number 2 came on, he was a policeman, did the dancing then stripping, got to his pants, then got a girl from the audience, handcuffed and blindfolded her and rubbed her hands all over him! He was so sexy :D
The number 3 came on as a sailor!!! He was my favourite, so hot !! He did dancing and stripped, then he was dancing with fire with only thongs on! Then he come round to me and poured baby oil in my hands, went back to the stage, took EVERYTHING else off then came back to me !!! I rubbed him ALL over with baby oil, how kinky does it get ?!?! My friend was practically peeing herself! Then he sat on my lap!! I wasnt expecting it lol there was grinding and bum groping involved too!! Honestly, if I had dropped dead I would have died happy! Including a pic of him humping my friend before he got naked ;)
Pic of me and someone I knew from school after it finished, I'm on the left :)
I had an amazing time !! And I did plenty of groping for all my twitter ladies who couldn't be there :P
Posted from my iPod touch.
Sunday, 15 August 2010
After all the waiting..
Drum roll please !!!
AF showed up on Friday!!!! I was so happy. I mean happy, I've been waiting so long and worrying my head off. I was having pre-AF symptoms on Thursday so I knew AF was coming. Then on friday she showed up! My periods are never easy and this one is no different, I got AWFUL cramps but I can live with that, I'm just happy that it showed up.
I have an app on my iPod called period tracker and when I opened it to mark my period staring I got this lol
Posted from my iPod touch.
AF showed up on Friday!!!! I was so happy. I mean happy, I've been waiting so long and worrying my head off. I was having pre-AF symptoms on Thursday so I knew AF was coming. Then on friday she showed up! My periods are never easy and this one is no different, I got AWFUL cramps but I can live with that, I'm just happy that it showed up.
I have an app on my iPod called period tracker and when I opened it to mark my period staring I got this lol
Posted from my iPod touch.
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Alone with my thoughts.
WARNING: this is a miserable post, I needed to put my thoughts somewhere, it's random mumblings so if you have no idea what I'm talking about then don't worry :)
My mums asleep, there's nothing I wanna watch on tv so I'm here. In silence. Alone with my thoughts. This is a bad thing, when I sit in the quiet doing nothing my brain starts going frantic with bad stuff. I think about me getting cancer and dying, this terrifies the crap outta me, I watched my dad suffer for 10 months from cancer until he couldn't fight anymore, I was there when my hero took his last breath. We had known for a few hours that it was coming but it didn't prepare me. I was 12, I'm 18 now and it haunts me even now but I don't regret it, I would never have forgiven myself if I had left, it wasn't pretty to watch his life slip away. The memory is etched into my brain. I loved him and he died. Roll forward 6 months and my mum is now wheel chair bound requiring round the clock care. Go forward 2 years and I'm told I have really bad PCOS, lots of large cysts on my ovaries that aren't going anywhere, my fertility taken from me, and my last bit of normality gone. I worry that the absence of my menstrual cycles will give me cancer, I know it's a possibility. With no treatment available to me and natural methods failing my mind goes to death. Not much frightens me, after everything that's happened I've learned that life can be a pile of shit and life is unfair, only a select few get a blessed life. But death frightens me, more than anything else I fear dying. I fear for my mum, she's not well and I'm scared of something happening to her, some may call it a blessing because of her health, but death is never a blessing. I'm scared of growing old alone and childless. I fear that the world is moving on and I'm left behind in limbo. I want to experience the joy of children, a life you create through whatever means.
Someone I know said that looking after my mum will make me alone. If someone can't handle the fact that my mum needs me then fuck them! They aren't worth it to me.
Someone asked me yesterday "what does being a carer really mean ? Are you just a glorified slave?"
No I'm not a slave. Being a full time carer means that someone depends on you, your life isn't just yours, if your hurt then what happens to the person you care for? You share your life with someone who is sick,disabled or both. I love being a carer, I love my mum and I don't care what anyone says about it.
Posted from my iPod touch.
My mums asleep, there's nothing I wanna watch on tv so I'm here. In silence. Alone with my thoughts. This is a bad thing, when I sit in the quiet doing nothing my brain starts going frantic with bad stuff. I think about me getting cancer and dying, this terrifies the crap outta me, I watched my dad suffer for 10 months from cancer until he couldn't fight anymore, I was there when my hero took his last breath. We had known for a few hours that it was coming but it didn't prepare me. I was 12, I'm 18 now and it haunts me even now but I don't regret it, I would never have forgiven myself if I had left, it wasn't pretty to watch his life slip away. The memory is etched into my brain. I loved him and he died. Roll forward 6 months and my mum is now wheel chair bound requiring round the clock care. Go forward 2 years and I'm told I have really bad PCOS, lots of large cysts on my ovaries that aren't going anywhere, my fertility taken from me, and my last bit of normality gone. I worry that the absence of my menstrual cycles will give me cancer, I know it's a possibility. With no treatment available to me and natural methods failing my mind goes to death. Not much frightens me, after everything that's happened I've learned that life can be a pile of shit and life is unfair, only a select few get a blessed life. But death frightens me, more than anything else I fear dying. I fear for my mum, she's not well and I'm scared of something happening to her, some may call it a blessing because of her health, but death is never a blessing. I'm scared of growing old alone and childless. I fear that the world is moving on and I'm left behind in limbo. I want to experience the joy of children, a life you create through whatever means.
Someone I know said that looking after my mum will make me alone. If someone can't handle the fact that my mum needs me then fuck them! They aren't worth it to me.
Someone asked me yesterday "what does being a carer really mean ? Are you just a glorified slave?"
No I'm not a slave. Being a full time carer means that someone depends on you, your life isn't just yours, if your hurt then what happens to the person you care for? You share your life with someone who is sick,disabled or both. I love being a carer, I love my mum and I don't care what anyone says about it.
Posted from my iPod touch.
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