Good news for a change

I have good news for a change.

Ive been trying to lose weight for years with no success. over the past 3 weeks i have lost 13lbs. I was so happy to get on the scales and see that i had actually acheived something!

Also. after my mum died, i started smoking again. its now been a month since i quit smoking. i have had a couple on bad days BUT i'm still counting my past month as smoke free. its been so difficult to not smoke. i replied on cigarettes to calm me down and give me something to do so it has been difficult to give them up.

AND, i went  to see a medium tonight, was a group thing at a spiritual church and i got a message.

i was told my great grandma was there and my mum was with her. also that a gentlemen was there who passed in november (which was my dad). i do believe people are out there and it has been comforting to hear that they are there. she also said not to give uo if u want something then go get it.

I intend to follow that advice, i also intend to not start smoking again and also try and keep the weight off and lose more. wish me luck!!!!!

How many more bad days?

Today has been rough, actually the last 6 years of my life has been hard. 6 months after my dad died my mum got poorly after an operation that went wrong. It's hard yes, I don't want sympathy, never have never will. This is my personal blog, it's for me.

Today has been one of those days where it feels like the work has turned it's back on you, I'm exhausted, have absolutely no energy and I'm in the crappiest mood ever. I'm an emotional wreck, one minute I'm fine the next I'm crying like a baby, it really is horrendous.

I'm still fat too, I'm at the gym 3x a week, do workout DVD's the other 3 days and then I have Sunday off. I'm eating well, my calorie maintenance level is about 2710 calories and I'm averaging at 1500 calories a day as advised by the dietician. Barely any weight loss at all, in the past 3 weeks I've lost 3oz. It's pathetic and it's shit. Now that weight loss surgery has been ruled out aswell because I'm not fat enough, that's it, a vicious battle to stay stuck how I am.

I'm not fat enough for weight loss surgery and I'm not thin enough for any other medication to help me, I can't go on metformin because apparently I'll have a stroke.

Moving on, I'm now at CD202. My last period was January, this is also a pile of crap. I've tried Ginger,parsley tea, everything non prescription with no sign of anything.

So, after all my crappy moaning, I'm gonna watch some TV, and you know what ? Me and my mum are ordering in pizza tonight. I need a relaxing night where I'm thinking about other things apart from periods and diets.


Posted from my iPod touch.

doctors appointment

right. yesterday i went to see my doctor, you remember ? the horrible cow who told me it was my own fault?, well i saw her because she was the only one available, I'll call her Dr. R here so i know who i mean. i tried to talk to her about my PCOS and my lack of AF visits. As ususal she just said that not having any wont do me any harm and theres no need to treat it, a couple of ladies said about birth control to regulate them, well she wasnt up for that either, she said the risk of stroke was to high.ridiculous i know but thats all she could say to me.

Then we moved on to weight loss, my dietican had written Dr. R  a letter saying that had been no weight loss and that maybe treatment for PCOS may help, well as i said before that didnt work out so well. i tried to talk to her about getting a gastric band. (If you dont know about me wanting a gastric band then click here to read my post about it.) basically, im overweight, very overweight, its not just my health but being the way i am is making me so unhappy. i hate myself, i refuse to look in a bit mirrror.

I tried talking to her about a gastric band but she basically ignored me and changed the subject. im serious about this, and when i see her again 3 weeks i will bring it up again, as well as trying to talk to my dietician about it.

So after all that, she has given me Orlistat 120mg or more commonly known as Alli, click here to read information about Orlistat. basically orlistat blocks about a third of the fat you eat from going into your system and works its way through undigested. you take one 3 times daily with your breakfast lunch and dinner. its not a wonder drug and you still have to diet, no offense to the people who have had good results on it, but i want something permanent, losing weight and then coming off tablets and putting it back on isnt what i want.

So far im on Day 2 of Orlistat and im going to be honest with you all. i hate it, the side effects are awful, i keep feeling sick, bloated and basically crap!! the website link above has a list of side effects that i will put here.

                                   The main side-effects are caused by the fat which is passed out with your faeces. You may get fatty smelly stools, urgency to get to the toilet, oily spotting on your underclothes, and excess wind. These side-effects are less likely if you eat a low-fat diet. They tend to settle with time, possibly because if they occur they remind you that you should be eating a low-fat diet! Other side-effects are rare. (Read the packet leaflet for a full list of possible side-effects.)

now this may sound simple to fix by not eating much fat but it is harder than it sounds, my appetite is a big problem for me, and eating a low fat diet that i enjoy is hard work and im not enjoy it, and even when i eat barely any fat, i still feel sick and bloated. I'm hoping that next time i see Dr. R i'll be able to get off this horrid tablets and get sorted with something that i can actually do.

*everyones entitled to there opinions and i encourage and love all your advice but I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from making the whole fat and lazy comments, im not lazy i am desperate to lose weight but i dont want to feel ill to get there!*