the one i lost

on thursday the 26th december i couldve been pregnant. but im not now. On friday i went to see a doctor as i was feeling really ill and also AF was VERY light, i was told to do a HPT on sunday and go in first thing this morning for a blood test, well when i did my hpt yesterday the 2 lines were there but were very faint, but i was hoping and praying that it was positive. After an agonising wait i was told by my doctor i was probably pregnant in the last week but i lost it, that why the lines were still there but faint because it happened recently. i came away from my doctors sat on a bench and i cried. i didnt know why i was crying, i didnt even know i was pregnant but every second of that 20 mins sat on that bench was gut wrenching. so i came home and got a coffee and jsut sat in silence by myself i always seem to cope better by myself. I hope there will be a next time for me, i cant wait to be a mummy, and i dont what i will do if i can't. I what i fail to understand somedays is how god could bless women with the precious gift to give life but missed me and the other wonderful ttc ladies out. but right now i am single so i doubt miraculous conception is an option but i hope in the very near future i will be a mummy, and i also hope that all the other wonderful ttc ladies will also be blessed with the gift to carry their own child.