How many more bad days?

Today has been rough, actually the last 6 years of my life has been hard. 6 months after my dad died my mum got poorly after an operation that went wrong. It's hard yes, I don't want sympathy, never have never will. This is my personal blog, it's for me.

Today has been one of those days where it feels like the work has turned it's back on you, I'm exhausted, have absolutely no energy and I'm in the crappiest mood ever. I'm an emotional wreck, one minute I'm fine the next I'm crying like a baby, it really is horrendous.

I'm still fat too, I'm at the gym 3x a week, do workout DVD's the other 3 days and then I have Sunday off. I'm eating well, my calorie maintenance level is about 2710 calories and I'm averaging at 1500 calories a day as advised by the dietician. Barely any weight loss at all, in the past 3 weeks I've lost 3oz. It's pathetic and it's shit. Now that weight loss surgery has been ruled out aswell because I'm not fat enough, that's it, a vicious battle to stay stuck how I am.

I'm not fat enough for weight loss surgery and I'm not thin enough for any other medication to help me, I can't go on metformin because apparently I'll have a stroke.

Moving on, I'm now at CD202. My last period was January, this is also a pile of crap. I've tried Ginger,parsley tea, everything non prescription with no sign of anything.

So, after all my crappy moaning, I'm gonna watch some TV, and you know what ? Me and my mum are ordering in pizza tonight. I need a relaxing night where I'm thinking about other things apart from periods and diets.


Posted from my iPod touch.

lets talk about god.

 I havent really been in the best of moods for a couple of days, things have been getting me so angry so quickly. I get like this every so often so dont panic, im not manic depressive or anything..

a few things have been playing on my mind lately, and im sick of not being able to say what i think because i might upset people, i understand if i say something and someone deosnt agree, thats how the world goes round so im not gonna do it anymore, if people dont like what i say then thats ok,im not trying to force people to believe in my opinions.

first off, i was having a conversation on twitter with courtney, who sadly lost her 3rd son a week ago, and we brought up the 'God' convo. now im full warning you, im not a believer in God, so you may find my opinions insulting, i understand so stop reading if you want to.

i personally dont see how God can exist. for instance, Courtney has lost her 3 beautiful little boys, i dont see how if God was real he would let that happen. people say we are being punished, but that is no way to punish somone at all. We see so much joy in this world. birth,love,family friends. But we also see far to much sadness, if God was real, then where was he for Courtney ? Where was he when my dad got cancer ? where was he when my mum got severely ill after 11 months of looking after my dying dad. ? Where was God when i needed him most ?

He wasnt there.

People like Courtney and me, carry on because we have hope, not hope given to us my 'God' but the hope that drives us forward and keeps going through the good and the bad.

Hope wont bring me dad back, hope wont make my mum better. but hope gives me something to acheive and strive for, and that is something that no pretend God can give me.

*Again, i apologise if my opinions arent to your taste, and i hope that you werent offended by my post.*