Monday, 30 November 2009

the one i lost

on thursday the 26th december i couldve been pregnant. but im not now. On friday i went to see a doctor as i was feeling really ill and also AF was VERY light, i was told to do a HPT on sunday and go in first thing this morning for a blood test, well when i did my hpt yesterday the 2 lines were there but were very faint, but i was hoping and praying that it was positive. After an agonising wait i was told by my doctor i was probably pregnant in the last week but i lost it, that why the lines were still there but faint because it happened recently. i came away from my doctors sat on a bench and i cried. i didnt know why i was crying, i didnt even know i was pregnant but every second of that 20 mins sat on that bench was gut wrenching. so i came home and got a coffee and jsut sat in silence by myself i always seem to cope better by myself. I hope there will be a next time for me, i cant wait to be a mummy, and i dont what i will do if i can't. I what i fail to understand somedays is how god could bless women with the precious gift to give life but missed me and the other wonderful ttc ladies out. but right now i am single so i doubt miraculous conception is an option but i hope in the very near future i will be a mummy, and i also hope that all the other wonderful ttc ladies will also be blessed with the gift to carry their own child.

1 comment:

Chasing a Miracle said...

It is hard, and it is gut renching, and there are many people out there who feel your pain, but please do remember that you are a young beautiful girl who has her whole life ahead of her. If i have learnt anything in the past year it is that you cant let this consume you. I may be a little hypocrytical here because i am not very good at not letting these things consume me, but remember there is the world infront of you, and maybe this isnt the right time (for both of us) maybe we must discover ourselves before we can create a new life.
who knows, but i do know that there is an awesome world out there waiting for you to experience it...
Have faith and most importantly have hope in the future...

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