How many more bad days?

Today has been rough, actually the last 6 years of my life has been hard. 6 months after my dad died my mum got poorly after an operation that went wrong. It's hard yes, I don't want sympathy, never have never will. This is my personal blog, it's for me.

Today has been one of those days where it feels like the work has turned it's back on you, I'm exhausted, have absolutely no energy and I'm in the crappiest mood ever. I'm an emotional wreck, one minute I'm fine the next I'm crying like a baby, it really is horrendous.

I'm still fat too, I'm at the gym 3x a week, do workout DVD's the other 3 days and then I have Sunday off. I'm eating well, my calorie maintenance level is about 2710 calories and I'm averaging at 1500 calories a day as advised by the dietician. Barely any weight loss at all, in the past 3 weeks I've lost 3oz. It's pathetic and it's shit. Now that weight loss surgery has been ruled out aswell because I'm not fat enough, that's it, a vicious battle to stay stuck how I am.

I'm not fat enough for weight loss surgery and I'm not thin enough for any other medication to help me, I can't go on metformin because apparently I'll have a stroke.

Moving on, I'm now at CD202. My last period was January, this is also a pile of crap. I've tried Ginger,parsley tea, everything non prescription with no sign of anything.

So, after all my crappy moaning, I'm gonna watch some TV, and you know what ? Me and my mum are ordering in pizza tonight. I need a relaxing night where I'm thinking about other things apart from periods and diets.


Posted from my iPod touch.

CD200, waiting and waiting.

Yup, I'm now cycle day 200. My last period was January 13th. No signs of AF turning up anytime soon either. This whole 'sit and wait for it' plan is a pile of crap but I got no choice, so I'm waiting.


Posted from my iPod touch.

New addition !

I GOT A TATTOO YESTERDAY !!






I will admit that it hurt! In the middle it stung like hell, but I'm hooked now ! I already want a second ! This one was really cosmetic, it has meaning for me. I absolutely love it aswell !

I picked the font for the numbers and then I had the word dad designed, I picked slightly different fonts for all 3 letters so it would be unique and in a handwritten style. I'm really happy I did it like that because you won't find it in a design book either!

Posted from my iPod touch.

Get back on top form, please RT.

On Friday at the gym, I managed to pull a muscle in my chest, I know that I did it on the cross trainer (elliptical). I saw a doctor who said to not go to the gym until at least Monday. I'm gonna go tomorrow but only doing the treadmill and some stuff with the powerplate. Hopefully I'll be back on track with full workouts on Tuesday or Wednesday.

AND, good news!

It seems that my hair has decided to stop falling out ! It had gotten to where just brushing it made it fall out and washing it was horrendous, but it's stopped now so hopefully it will grow back !

Home Alone

My mum has gone into hospital today for operation, for those who dont know, my mum has botox injected into her bladder to stop spasms that she gets in her bladder. And, yes before you wonder, its the smae stuff they inject in your face for wrinkles ! she had it in August 2008 and it helped so thats where shes gone.

That means that im an 18yr old home alone for 2 days (with booze in the fridge) !!!!

so tonight, im cooking a curry and im gonna have a drink, relax and watch some TV. I never get time to myself so im gonna try and just catch up on some sleep tonight aswell.

In other news ! i bought the nintendo ds game, Health Coach yesterday, the one with the free pedometer :)

im using it to track how much i walk as well as try and write everything in so that its all there when i wanna see it.

best news ! it only cost £6.99 !!

Been a long time + cycle update

I have a been a bad blogger :( my last post was fathers day !! It's July now so I have no excuses.

Not a lot has really happened. I'm still going to the gym, so that's really good. I haven't lost tons of weight, but I'm going by how I feel more than the scales right now.

The other day I got a letter from the hospital I was referred to saying that the questionnaire you have to fill in to see a bariatric surgeon wasn't done properly, Dr.R was meant to have done this properly. It's not difficult, a child could do it. I was meant to go see her about it but there's no way I'm ever going to her again. So now I'm seeing a new doctor, (I'll call him Dr.S) I'm a bit apprehensive about seeing him because he's a male doctor, I've always had an intense fear of male doctors, no idea why but I have. he looked after my dad when he was dying from cancer so he knows me,hopefully because he knows me it wont be to bad. All I want is this questionnaire filling in properly, if the surgeon won't do anything then that's his choice. Dr.R has nothing to do with it. They also sent me a copy of a letter she sent them that said I was lazy and I had an attitude problem so I didn't deserve their help. That pissed me off. So I'm seeing Dr.S on thursday to try and get this questionnaire thing done.

In other news, I'm now at CD177. Yeah, it's not good. Due to the evil cow Dr.R, I have no choice but to struggle it out. I worry about this a lot. I worry about the risks of cancer and the long term problems that may arise from my unhealthy cycles. I don't see how any doctor can view cycles lasting this long as normal. It's definitely bad. I will try and mention it to new Dr.S and see what he says. If he won't help then I don't know what I'm going to do. They won't refer me to anyone because I'm not TTC and because of my age. I'll just have to see.

Until next time I hope everyone has a great weekend and a special good luck to PCOSchick who is braving niagra falls !


Cara x