Monday, 7 December 2009

Losing faith

Today I decided that god either doesn't exist OR he really really hates me. I used to have great faith in god, I'm not a strict religious person but I always turned to god and my faith kept going through the more difficult days. But I've realised that maybe god doesn't exist. I don't know whether he does no body does but I don't understand how god could inflict cancer on my dad and then the suffering of the illnesses that now haunt my mum every day. When I see my mum in pain and she suffers it makes me think that god isn't real. Most women take the fact that they can conceive and carry a miracle that is a human child for granted but the blessing of creating and bearing a miracle is very special that every woman should posess not just the select few. When I think about me not being able to have children it breaks my heart. All I want in life is to be happy, I know my mums illnesses will never get better but I don't see why my mum, who has been there for me and coped with my mentally ill sister has to go through what she does every day. So to some it up I have lost my faith in god maybe at some point I will see the light as they say and believe in god again but right I hate him and I couldn't care less whether he's real or not.

(this post is not to offend any religious or spiritual person if you feel I have offended u I apologise)


Busted Kate said...

(((HUGS))) Not much else to say except a big hug.

Nikke said...

Those thoughts go through everyone who has to deal with many tough and hard situations.
The toughest thing to do is to keep your faith during these times.
Huge hugs to you and your family.

Amanda said...

I got an interesting bit of advise recently and decided to pass it on. I also have pcos and are ttc.
"You can't hate god and not believe in him at the same time," because you can't hate something you don't believe in. wishing you all the best

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